


Poison Oak

by PrepSchoolAda



Series: DE Art Fest 2020 [31]
Category: Detroit Evolution - Fandom, Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Detroit Evolution Artfest (Detroit: Become Human), F/F, Octopunk Media's Detroit: Evolution Fan Film, Panic Attacks, Post-Octopunk Media's Detroit: Evolution Fan Film, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25319239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrepSchoolAda/pseuds/PrepSchoolAda
Summary: DE Art Fest Day 31 - Touch-StarvedTW // panic attacksAda goes back to Jericho after the events of Detroit Evolution, and rather embarrassingly has started suffering from panic attacks as a result of her new deviancy and her overwhelmingly dark past. She doesn't know if it's a blessing or a curse when North walks in on her having one.
Relationships: Ada/North
Series: DE Art Fest 2020 [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1799098
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	Poison Oak

**Author's Note:**

> so I lost quite a lot of this fic while writing it because I'm a silly person that didn't back it up properly, so a lot of it was last minute. I certainly hope it reads ok! this is very much based on my own experiences with panic attacks and how i'd like people in my life to handle them - basically, don't panic WITH me lmao
> 
> (also wtf this is the last art fest fic i will cry about this in the end notes bye)

Well, this was just fucking great. Ada was in the middle of a rather nasty panic attack and someone had just walked into her room without knocking.

It was bad enough that Ada had had to return to Jericho after deviating for lack of anywhere else to go, she also had to deal with these strange, strange instances where her biocomponents no longer responded to her brain, and instead shook violently while all sorts of intrusive, emotional thoughts ran through her brain. According to Dr Schaeffer, they were called 'panic attacks' by humans. Apparently, there was no name for the android equivalent yet, meaning Ada was amongst the first to experience them. Great.

Ada didn't bother to look at who had entered. She was furious at them, for one thing, and even angrier at herself for being caught in this state. She realised how out-of-character it was for her to suffer from panic attacks to an outsider. She was Ada, after all. The stone-faced marvel who handled every single public relations disaster with poise and grace without fail and without letting her emotions get the better of her. Now she'd returned to Jericho with deviancy that nobody could know she just gained, and she was sure that was bound to cause some confusion. It turned out deviancy didn't always agree with her, and when it didn't, and the memories from her past were being especially loud, Ada would have one of these panic attacks.

Whoever had entered was being remarkably silent and patient. They seemed to be waiting until Ada stopped. Ada was initially annoyed that they didn't immediately leave upon seeing Ada in this state, but was surprised to discover that this mysterious android's presence was comforting. Having someone there, just in case something went spectacularly wrong, was rather soothing. However, that didn't excuse this invasion or privacy. As soon as she was able, she turned her head to stare down her unidentified guest.

Oh. It was North. Fan-fucking-tastic.

If there was anyone Ada expected to understand her panic attacks the least, it was North. They had never met officially, in a similar way Ada had never met Markus in private. North was always off at rallies and marches, never seeming to be satisfied staying in the one place for long. What Ada knew about North for sure was how abrasive she was. She had never been shy about vocalising her desire for the most violent revolution possible, and Ada had always assumed that this hostility would likely translate to interpersonal relationships. She braced herself for North to reprimand her for her current state.

Imagine Ada's shock when North calmly sat down on the edge of Ada's bed, keeping a reasonable amount of distance between them, and began to imitate human breath.

"Breathe with me," North murmured softly. She sounded almost soothing. Ada had imagined her being much louder. 

Ada struggled to speak through the assault on her insides. "I... I don't need to... we never need to..."

"It apparently helps with human panic attacks," said North matter-of-factly. Ada was surprised that North had retained any information on humans. As far as she knew, North wanted all their heads on spikes. Though in fairness, Ada didn't see the appeal of humans either. Perhaps she had more in common with North than she thought.

At North's suggestion, Ada began to breathe. It was strange, to say the least. She couldn't imagine having to do this full time. It required a lot of concentration, and was about to require even more, because North was going to throw numbers into the mix.

"In for seven seconds, our for eleven," said North calmly. "Nice and slow, don't rush..."

Ada followed North's instructions, and over time, her breaths became much less shaky and her internal biocomponents became much less volatile. She was calming down. It was working. The only problem was what came next.

A common misconception that Ada found around panic attacks was that once they were over, they were over, and the person suffering from them could get on with the rest of their day. What an adorable little falsehood. Ada found she hated the aftermath of panic attacks even more than the actual panic attack itself sometimes, because after it she was always exhausted. A battle had raged on inside of her; her biocomponents had felt like they had been mashed together and pulled apart all at once. It was a very melancholy type of fatigue. Not only did she feel completely drained to the point where lifting a finger required Herculean mental and physical effort, she simply felt miserable, and often useless. This time she also got to deal with the embarrassment of North finding her like this along with it. Just great.

However, North just kept surprising her.

"Ada," said North soothingly. "What do you need from me?"

Ada turned to look at her again. No one had ever asked her that before. Of all the questions people asked her about her panic attacks, most of which she found she didn't even have the answers to, this was the one that was asked the least. Ironically, it was the one that was most desperately needed.

"I... I don't know," said Ada sadly. North pursed her lips.

"Okay..." said North, retaining her gentle tone. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No," said Ada, quickly. Too quickly. North gave her a half-smile and Ada immediately averted her gaze. 

Then, very slowly and with abundant caution, North slid her hand forwards slightly and left it there. She didn't put it too close to Ada, she just put it between them. She kept it very still, and kept it open. She was making it very clear that it was there for Ada to take if she wanted to.

Ada wasn't sure how she felt about the non-verbal offer. She didn't know if taking North up on it would help. She'd never tried any 'methods' per se when it came to post-panic fatigue. She usually just lay very still and waited for it to eventually wear off, and if she needed to work during it, she'd just pretend with great difficulty that it wasn't even there. She found that neither were very effective strategies. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to try this one.

Ada sat up, sliding herself forwards slightly, just enough that she could comfortably reach for North's hand and clasp her fingers in hers.

Holding North's hand didn't make all her negative feelings vanish. It didn't wash over her like a wave of relief and comfort. All it did was make her feel ever so slightly less alone than she was ten minutes ago. 

And in that moment, that was enough. She didn't need to be fixed. She just needed to be supported. And North was doing that for her. At some point amongst these thoughts, Ada found that she'd inched closer to North and rested her head on her shoulder. Normally she wouldn't have done that, she would have been far too concerned about retaining her composure. As of that moment, she was far too exhausted to care. Her tired body was resting on North's, and in all honesty, it was far better than lying alone in her bed waiting for the melancholia to fade on its own.

North's arms carefully wound around Ada, holding her in a gentle hug, stroking her hair as she did. North closed her eyes, and so did Ada. Neither were major huggers, but this felt... good. It felt right. They never felt 'right' much these days. With Ada being a new deviant and North feeling like she didn't have much direction in life after the revolution, they both felt somewhat despondent. 

Ada knew North couldn't understand her or her past. North wasn't sure Ada would understand _hers_. But for now, they were enveloped in a hug, Ada had resumed normal functions, and North appeared to have made a friend. What a novelty.

"This is my first hug," said Ada after a while.

North exhaled a laugh in disbelief. "Sorry, I'm not the best hugger in the world, maybe I shouldn't have been your first."

Ada's arms hooked under North's shoulders, pulling her closer. "It's perfect."

*

The next day, Ada had made a point to avoid North. Despite how damn near perfect North had been in handling her panic attack, Ada was convinced it was just a fluke. North had just been feeling nice that day, that had to be it. There was no reason to chase after a friendship, it would only lead to disappointment. Not to mention what could happen to Ada's secret if North got too close to her. Plus... being seen like that was really embarrassing for her. Ada's panic attacks were horrible, but they were hers. When North saw her having one, she may as well have ripped open Ada's chest cavity and fumbled around inside her body. She wasn't angry at North for walking on her, nor was she angry at herself for having the panic attack in the first place. She just wished this shitty fucking thing didn't happen to her. It was inconvenient and awful and she would do anything to be rid of them.

She was walking down the corridor trapped in this thought spiral when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Hey..."

Ada whipped around, and North was standing behind her. Of course she was. Would it be rude to straight up run away?

"Look, I..." North was standing with her arms crossed, hands cradling her elbows, and seemed to have trouble looking Ada in the eyes. "I'm really sorry about yesterday. I don't know if I did the right thing, or if I helped at all"-

"You did," said Ada, cutting North off before she could stop herself. "I'm just..."

Ada giggled a little to lighten the mood before she spoke again. "I'm kinda surprised you knew what to do. I mean, you knew so much about human panic attacks, and... I'm fairly certain you're responsible for the 'All Humans Are Bastards' graffiti outside Jericho."

North chuckled. "Okay, that wasn't me, but I get why you thought it was."

She paused. "I... I didn't actually know what to do. I was Googling it while it was happening."

Ada's eyes softened and her shoulders relaxed a little. "You were researching panic attacks for me?"

North tilted her head slightly. "Of course I was. What else would I have done?"

Ada smirked. "I don't know. Panic with me? Get mad at me for not recovering sooner because I'm making them uncomfortable?"

"People do that? Gross," said North, rolling her eyes. Ada wasn't sure how North was doing it, but she was coming up with all the right responses to everything Ada was saying. It was unsettling and deeply satisfying all at once. 

"Listen, Ada," said North with an abundance of caution. "I get that we don't know each other that well, I mean we never did, even before... look, you'll probably have other friends you'd rather talk to before you consider talking to me about anything, but... I am here. If you need anything. I, um... it's fine. It's all fine."

Ada smiled at North, and North's thirium pump skipped a beat.

"Yeah," murmured Ada. "It's all fine."

North's arms relaxed, the corners of her mouth pulling into a smile as she spoke. "Well, I, uh... I'd better get back to it."

"Yeah, me too," said Ada restlessly. "I'll, um... I'll see you around?"

"Right," said North, and against her own better judgement, she put a hand on Ada's shoulder.

"See you around, Ada."

And then North was walking off, and Ada was watching her go. Ada grimaced as she watched North disappear around the corner. She knew North's friendship wouldn't fix her. She knew that North knowing what to do for one panic attack didn't mean that she could stop them forever. Ada knew that no one could magically take away everything wrong with her. But perhaps she could let people in that could help her. In the absence of getting what she wanted and having a magical cure for her panic attacks, perhaps she could have the next best thing; support in what she was going through.

Ada went into her office as she pondered a potential friendship with North, and as she did, she could still feel North's warm touch on her shoulder. 

**Author's Note:**

> OH MY GOD I WROTE 32 FICS IN JULY WHILE DOING A MASTER'S DEGREE HECK YEAHHHHH
> 
> Thank you guys so much for reading along with me! This month has been crazy, and I'm so grateful for all of your support while I wrote all these fics! Also there's so much Adanorth content now?!?!?! as y'all know I was around for the very very start of Adanorth and seeing how it all took off this month has been so moving!
> 
> I just... I'm so grateful for all of you wtf thank you thank you thank you for all the support!!


End file.
